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Theories Of Despair

by Renounced

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1.
Buried 03:42
Buried Inside. Here again, stuck in this four-walled hell that’s closing in, like a hand around my throat. It squeezes tighter until it becomes a rope. At 26 I have grown so sick. The memories that have kept me sane are dying out. Existence. Indifference. Everything that mattered now lies blistered. All that mattered is now walking on a knifes edge. Do we truly believe that love exists forever? No more. Buried inside we search, for answers. Buried inside.
2.
Young man’s blues. Can’t lift this weight. Maybe cutting these veins would cleanse me. Maybe it’s too late. So for now I wrap my arms around myself. For there’s a reason for these depressive years. There’s a reason for these sacrifices. There’s a reason why some of us are left behind. There’s a reason why some of us never find true love, and that’s because we were never meant to. A fire no longer burns. So for now I wrap my arms around myself. For there is a reason for these depressive years. A fire no longer burns.
3.
Love’s eulogy has already been written. The lie was inked in blood, as cold as a winter’s dawn. Oh god, I used to think you were so beautiful. This place holds no warmth anymore it’s just an undertow of past memories. I used to miss you so much it burned. Your love was false. You abandoned me. This place holds no warmth anymore. As we wait. Beyond repair.
4.
There will be no compromise. Sometimes the only thing running through these veins is resentment. The ringing in my ears stops from time to time. There is another break in the clouds. I can feel the sun’s warmth on my face. This again could be the moment where the circle ends. Abandon your king for he is the oppressor that ills your mind. Standing on the edge of forever, the rain no longer falls as ash. I walk this path of exile with a new hope. The hope to build unbreakable will. Abandon your king. There will be no compromise. No longer will I be a slave to depression. No longer will I be a slave to my mind. Abandon your king.
5.
Memories rain as ashes. No longer young or in love. No longer does this life remain enough. In reality we are all the same and we just hate ourselves in different ways. Sometimes I feel that dealing with the pain is something we are supposed to do. Using our failures as tools to cope, but I constantly wonder will it all be worth it in the end? Will we find our inner peace? In this blindness we only have ourselves as guidance. Refuse to live this life without a voice, refuse to live this life without a choice. Nobody cares about the truth if the lie keeps us refined and content with our decay. When silence becomes betrayal. With emotions as delicate as moth wings. We wait to be touched by love, to die again and again.
6.
Why do we say words in summer, which would never hold true in winter? Watching my angels fall as demons. This fuse now burns at both ends. I beg you to please make me feel. It’s okay if you leave sometime soon, I’m used to it. You never even knew the real me. The look in your eyes, I have seen it so many times. You say my love is not enough, well this is all I can give. Searching for that pillar of strength. I knew it would be heaven in your arms. Thank you for stopping the shake of anxieties train. I knew it would be heaven in your arms.
7.
Why do we say words in summer, which would never hold true in winter? Watching my angels fall as demons. This fuse now burns at both ends. I beg you to please make me feel. It’s okay if you leave sometime soon, I’m used to it. You never even knew the real me. The look in your eyes, I have seen it so many times. You say my love is not enough, well this is all I can give. Searching for that pillar of strength. I knew it would be heaven in your arms. Thank you for stopping the shake of anxieties train. I knew it would be heaven in your arms.
8.
The abandonment of others is simply so I can survive. As I grow older, the world drains the life from me. More life from me. It’s in our nature that we only care for ourselves. No one listens to the cries for help. You have to be your own savior. Love is not all we ever have. We only have ourselves to blame. I wish I had the guts to die young. The deepest abyss holds me down. As black as a winter’s grave, the shadows embrace. Released only when the sun heals. In this blindness we strive forever forward. Forever.
9.
This is my last dying wish. I once read that the pains we feel are messages from heaven. I have never believed in heaven. Never have I felt as alone as I do now. This is my end. This is my last dying wish. I pray just to be at peace. I refuse to be a victim of depression any longer. This is the death of love and trust. This is my removal from a world that bears down so cold. Waiting for a revolution, the salvation that will never come. This is my last dying wish. Embrace the end. This is my last dying wish. Embrace the end.
10.
The endless dull ache. I have grown so tired of opinions. I have grown so tired of your self-righteous ideals. I have grown so tired of listening. Last night I fell in love in my dreams. I haven’t dreamt in so long. Her face was never defined. All I know was it was the best I had felt in weeks. Now back to the dull ache of living inside this head. The tiredness creeps back in. Maybe one of these days I won’t wake up. Give me the strength to carry on. This soul has worn so thin. I have grown so tired. These blue skies keep falling. Love is like playing Russian roulette with a full revolver. You’re already dead. These blue skies keep falling. Keep falling.
11.
Watching demons control you. Watching the hell torture you. The repeated pattern. A circle so numb to conviction. I can feel your loneliness, I understand your turmoil. Every morning a reckoning you seek. I write this not knowing you anymore. You’re just a ghost that haunts my past. Love fades like summer into winter. In this dissonance, I refuse to fall. God remains forever silent, as we both lie in this black hole. This is my inner reprisal. I can’t do this again. In this dissonance, I refuse to fall. In this undertow I refuse to sink. In this life I refuse to fail again. This is my inner reprisal. In this dissonance, I refuse to fall. In this undertow I refuse to sink. Inner reprisal.

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released August 22, 2016

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Carry The Weight Records UK

Hardcore Punk label based in the UK.
Est. 2009

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